Good morning, fellow RF Gentlemen! Thank you for attending my rally on this beautiful April day. I hope we'll have many more days like this ahead. There's no greater collecting site for video game enthusiasts anywhere on the internets, really! It's true! It really is. But there have been many signs of a decline in the last few years, which is why I'm campaigning to become this fine institution's illustrious leader. You see, I have a YUUUUGE plan, a GREAT plan-- really, it's great, it really is-- to put RF Generation back on the top of the vidya heap!  I have eight points that I will pursue when I claim my rightful fuhrerdom leadership:



1.)   Make RF Generation subscription-based with banner ads. It's about time this place earned its keep. Time to bring in the fat lootz... or, failing that, bankruptcy protection for me. And I have just the guy to keep track of the site's finances! He's a real go-getter, with a level of greed second only to mine:


Now if only I could get him to lay off the garlic. I mean, he's a great guy!  Really! A great guy! But... that breath could make a vulture nauseous. It's true! It's true...

2.)   Build a YUUUUGE firewall across the Canadian border... and make CrabMaster 2000, EngineerMike, and Fleach pay for it. It's time to take a stand against our northern neighbors stealing all our bandwidth, and not providing anything in return. Let's face it, they're just a big bunch of beady-eyed, flappy-headed flatulence enthusiasts, amirite? You know  it, I know it. I mean, some of them are probably all right. SOME!  Like Captain Kirk, Dave Foley, and Neil Peart. And I gotta admit, Rob Ford was pretty entertaining, God rest his soul. But overall, they're pretty low-energy; just can't hack it for the long haul, you know? Take CrabMaster2000, for example: do you ever hear him on that podcast he cofounded anymore? I rest my case.


3.)   Speaking of cases: If elected to RF Generation's highest office, I'll definitely open one on Crabby's cohosts Duke.Togo and WildBil52. I'll get 'em on sedition and espionage charges. Especially WildBil52, seeing as how he's into hockey and all, that Canuck-coddling filth. We'll finally see what classified secrets they're sending to the Great White 'Norch-- er, North. Probably operating an illegal Miracle Piano foot-pedal-smuggling ring or something.

4)   Anyone caught painting, redecorating, or otherwise defacing GameCube Wavebird controllers, along with their collaborators, will be subject to summary execution by watching YouTube Let's-Play videos of Bubsy 3D and Superman 64 on a non-stop loop until death sets in. Let's get real: people who don't have the decency to leave Wavebird controllers as they are-- as they were meant to be-- are DISGUSTING, and have to be removed from polite society. You know it's true, and I know it's true. So what's the big deal?


5)   Remember that big chunky XBox controller that everybody liked to gripe about back in the day? Well, I'm gonna make it the only controller allowed for the XBox... and the PS2... and the GameCube. You know what, screw it-- it's the mandatory controller  for all consoles, even if they're not compatible. Who has the small hands now, huh? WHO HAS THE SMALL HANDS NOW, @$$HOLES?! EAT ME!!!


6)   All Pokemon games will be outlawed, and all Pokemon players placed in special rehabilitation facilities where they'll be harshly coerced and threatened with physical harm gently encouraged to play Skylanders instead. If you're gonna play a gateway drug to furrydom, it's gonna be an manufactured in China, just like my neckties AMERICAN gateway drug to furrydom, dammit!


7)   Anyone who complains about the load times of digital-disc console games will be sentenced to 6 months of playing nothing but Commodore 64 datasette tape-drive games. That'll show those whiny little b@st@rds what REALLY long load times are.


8.)   And my last point to make RF Generation great again: replace Silent Service as the official "greatest game" of RF Generation with...


'Cuz, let's face it, Silent Service is for losers! It's true! It's-- whoa, where did all those torches and pitchforks come from? Hey wait, let's talk this over, no need to-- The_8-Bit_Donald was just kidding, really-- OH DEAR GOD PLEASE, NOT THE HAIR!!!

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