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DISCLAIMER: This is a work of satire. Enjoy this off the wall review, and take it to be lighthearted. I mean, it's funny. Cory in the House... amazing game? Ha. -TJ
Cory in the House
"Probably the Greatest Game You'll Ever Play"
Cory in the House is just fantastic. There is no way around it. Cory has been entertaining us for years on the Disney Channel, and finally he can entertain us on the Nintendo DS. I don't know about you but when I heard of Cory on the DS I was as giddy as when I go to church (I'm a Catholic schoolboy so I love to go to church). Cory is just, amazing. This game is amazing. This game is perfect.
Cory in the House may seem like your typical platformer but oh no, it is far from it. Cory is out to save the world from an evil scientist who has decided to turn Cory's bobble-head doll of the president, or as Cory likes to say 'the prez,' into a destructive force capable of destroying destructive things such as the world which is destructible.
Cory runs, Cory jumps, and Cory uses his kung-fu action to blast his way through 9 levels of platforming/action goodness reminiscent of a good Jackie Chan meets That's So Raven meets Cory in the House show. Players utilize the touchscreen in such was as to slide their finger across the screen horizontally in order to make Cory karate chop or slide their finger across the screen vertically in order to make Cory do a kung-fu kick. Furthermore, players can blow into the mic and make Cory shoot fireballs from his mouth. Talk about awesome.
The enemies in Cory in the House are extremely varied and well thought out. Typical enemies include ninjas and Russian scientist, but later in the game Cory begins fighting against people he initially thought were his allies. Probably the most impressive boss was the giant robot Raven in which players had to run up to her feet and breath fireballs at her chest. Being a relatively early on boss this heightened players expectations immediately and brought about the sense that this is one of the greatest games ever.
The graphics and music are phenomenal. Cory is detailed brilliantly. Every little detail of Cory's beautiful and masculine body is clearly visible and downright pleasing to look at. When Cory sweats, the sweat drips down his pecs and glistens against his tight abdominals. The music which accompanies the various action is epic and mindblowing. The score is fully orchestrated with cellos, violins, and the clashing of cymbals.
Overall, Cory in the House is a must play. Simply put, you must play this game if you enjoy videogames or enjoy having fun. With a fantastic story, insanely innovative gameplay, amazing graphics, and an unparalleled score, Cory in the House stands leagues above the competition. This game isn't a game; it is an experience, it is an art.
And who can argue? Cory in the House is one of the greatest games ever.
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