Before I get started, yes, I did intentionally say wiidiculous in the title. I was Elmer Fudding it.
"They're regular Donald Twumps"
"Did you just say Donald Twump?"
"Uhh yeah man we're Elmer Fudding it..."
Obscure TV references aside and bad jokes still at my disposal, here's a look at some of the most "wiidiculous" Wii accessories on the market. We've got everything from tennis rackets, to forks, to a frying pan.
Let's start off with some of the more "normal" accessories, Wii Sports attachments. These attachments are available almost everywhere that sells video games, probably to capitalize on the success of Wii Sports and the Wii in general. These accessories typically come in a pack that includes attachments for every Wii Sports game except boxing and bowling. An example would be
this one found at GameStop. That's right! For the price of Ocarina of Time on the Virtual Console (not including tax and that pre-order we'll try and sell you), you can have your very own set of plastic attachments that...kind of make Wii Sports a little more realistic, to a certain extent. I don't know about you guys, but I'd rather take my money and buy something worthwhile instead of some cheap plastic that does nothing to enhance the gameplay or the feeling. Maybe I would consider it if it was a tennis racket that I could use in real life that happens to double as a Wii controller, but even then, probably not. However, these accessories are just the tip of the iceberg in Wii stupidity.
In the paragraph before the last one, I mentioned that these Wii Sports packs don't include attachments for boxing and bowling? Well, that sure as heck don't mean they aren't being made! Behold: THE WII SPORTS BOXING GLOVE! How does it work? Well, what you do, according to the
site that sells them, is you slip the Wii Remote into the right glove with the IR sensor pointed towards the TV set, then you plug in the Nunchuk and put it in the left glove. In theory this one seems pretty cool, and sure as heck would enhance the experience more than any of the other Wii Sports accessories, however you would have to take the Wii Remote out of its pouch on the right glove in between rounds so that the remote can see the sensor bar. Kind of pointless if you have to remove it every two minutes. Remember, I have not used this product, so I'm only making guesses.
When playing Zelda, have you ever wished you can swing around a real sword and shield instead of pressing buttons or waving your Wii Remote? Well now you can, with the
Wii combat pack (not a real sword, it's all foam). According to the seller, this set also works with Red Steel, but Red Steel is mainly an FPS with some sword combat. Shouldn't it be a gun attachment for that game? As far as I know Scott Monroe (The game's main character. Remember? Of course you don't because that game was totally unmemorable.) is not Squall Leonhart, and thus does not have a
gunblade.
Now, it's time for the absolutely bizarre ones. The attachments so bizarre and moronic that you just wonder what kind of drugs they were taking when they thought of the idea.
First: The billiards attachment! This one is potentially deadly! You could totally put an eye out if you aren't careful with that thing. You think Wii Remotes flying through TVs are bad, just wait until they pierce someone with a deadly billiards attachment! Plus it's also silly because how are you going to use it? It will feel awkward if you're shooting it in the air with nowhere to rest your hand on.
You think you've seen crazy? HA! Nothing compares to the final one I'm going to feature: the
Cooking Mama attachment set! Yup! It's a kitchen of Wii attachments in a box. What comes with it you ask? Well, let me tell you what you get! You get the frying pan, knife, spatula, and fork, all for the low low price of $17 plus shipping and handling! Why is this the worst Wii attachment set yet? Simple! You have to switch them often in Cooking Mama! It would be a hassle having to fiddle around with all of those and changing them every time you have a different cooking task to perform. However, unlike the other attachments I've featured, these actually have some real world function, as the seller demonstrates on their website.
What do all these attachments teach us? Being an absurdly popular console leads to absurd things from outside companies trying to make a quick buck capitalizing on your creation. So, please, everyone here, don't buy silly Wii attachments and give these companies your money. Save up and buy some games! Just like my man
ChadWarden (EXTREMELY NSFW!), Tony's all about the gamez.
