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As you may or may not know, I tend to be skewed towards the world of Nintendo. I grew up on Nintendo, I supported Nintendo up to the Wii, and once the Wii was released Nintendo decided to defecate on every member of the Nintendo old guard and try to appeal to that elusive casual gamer. They’re doing a great job, they really are. Meanwhile, I really, really want LittleBigPlanet, and well, we all know what system that is on. But yes! The Nintendo Connection! You see, the Wii has the dubious distinction of being home to more crap than one can shake a finger at. Strike that, one hundred billion fingers. The more depressing thing is that people are buying this stuff. It’s really, really disappointing, and I’ll tell you why.


I just happen to be visiting my absolute favorite website in the whole wide world, commonly referred to as IGN or the Imagine Games Network, part of the Empire of Brands we know as News Corp. Did you know that Rupert Murdoch actually runs News Corp. from a replica of the Death Star? Neither did I. If only it was true. Anyways, with IGN’s inflated review scores, we should be able to find some interesting trends on the Wii. There are some absolutely atrocious games for the Wii. The true winner of the “holy crap, IGN thinks this game really, really sucks” award gets to go to a game called Kawasaki Snowmobiles. Obtaining a review score of 2.1 out of 10 must have been tough for Data Design Interactive. The reviewer states that just picking up the game will leave you “immediately frustrated.” Sounds like a certain winner, and we certainly appreciate Data Design Interactive and other small developers like Coyote for creating the shovelware that we’ve come to expect on the Wii.

Sadly, this torrent of shovelware has encouraged other, major developers to take part in the crap fest. The two well known examples of major developers half-assing their work has to be Target: Terror and Crusin’. Both of these titles could probably run on an N64. For Target: Terror, think Lethal Enforcers. For Crusin’ think the original Crusin’ USA. If you haven’t read about these wonder entries into the realm of shovelware, I certainly suggest that you search the web. The really sad thing is that these two titles were developed by Konami and Midway! Konami developed such charming games as Elebits, and Midway is… Midway. But damn, even they are releasing crap, and it’s upsetting.

I can’t help but think shovelware breeds more shovelware. It seems as though Wii Sports and Wii Play spawned a plethora of mini game games. From there, mini game games developed into shovelware (Deca Sports, etc). Keep going, and eventually we find ourselves with the Kawasaki Snowmobiles of the Wii. It’s really, really depressing, and I only imagine that the inundation of crap will continue through the life span of the Wii.

Why does it even matter? Well, when people buy the low production value crap described above, it proves that developers and publishers do not need to spend lots of money on a game to make lots of money. Why create a masterpiece with a lot of risk when you can create shovelware, guarantying a profit? It’s really, really unfortunate, and it really makes me sad.

Fortunately, there are some mavericks on the Wii, wonderful people like Suda51. You all should support these mavericks, so that more people take the risk that these fine gentlemen take. There are some true masterpieces on the Wii, (No More Heroes, Okami*) and in the future there are destined to be a few more. (Mad World) You might call them diamonds in the rough, and I really wish that more developers would create their own diamond in the rough.

Sadly, those diamonds are rare, and it seems as though with each passing month more sediment covers up these diamonds. What is one to do? Will there be a point where those rare diamonds cease to be produced? I certainly hope not, but I can’t be sure. Time shall certainly tell.

*Yes, Okami was originally a PS2 game, but it is so damn good. Buy it, won’t you?

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You know, I happen to live in Cincinnati. It’s sort of an advertising / marketing Mecca. That’s bound to happen when Procter and Gamble happens to be based in your city. You know, Ivory Soap, Tide, Pringles, Gillette, Old Spice, Febreeze, etc… that company. Not to mention all of their recent divestures, we are home to the company who spends lots of money on their brands. In fact, they spend the most money of any company. So, certainly, we in Cincinnati have a company who knows how to do things right. God bless P&G. They make Cincinnati proud.

Some companies try very hard to be good at advertising. They try very hard to project an image. They’re so good that they do so at the expense of royally ticking off their old fan base. Nintendo seems to be that brand. It’s sad though, as they try to be just like Apple, but that’s hard when you have people like Laurent Fischer.



Now, you might be wondering who Laurent Fischer is. Other people might find reading her name to cause an uncontrollable rage, while still others just find him to be a very stupid man. See, Laurent is Nintendo of Europe’s Senior Marketing Director. When you get to be that man, you probably have a great skill to answer certain questions tactfully and skillfully. So, when someone asked him a question about the need for a Wii Hard Drive, Laurent could have just done what any other prominent marketing executive would have done and just dodged the question. But no, he didn’t. Instead, those who desire a Wii Hard Drive are “geeks and otaku.”

Now, some people would enjoy being characterized as a geek or otaku. Certainly, I am a geek. I shop at ThinkGeek. Geeks are trendy in the US. Being called a Nerd is derogatory. But, we’re talking about this man from Europe, and well, I don’t think he knows geek is cool. I think, dare I say, that he was degrading the Nintendo Fans of old, and that really pains us. We supported Nintendo through the good times and bad, and this is how you treat us? Not cool at all.

Of course, Laurent has since apologized for his statement. But here’s the thing. Screw you is still screw you after an apology, and that hurts. We see how much you care about your old fans Nintendo. It’s not much. We see how it is. You have a new market, so let’s get rid of the old guard. Why not burn some bridges on the way. Well, for the person who started the burning of bridges, I have something to say, and I am going to say it in French:

Je sais ce que nous savons tous - Vous êtes un grand âne.

Thanks Laurent. You’ve been wonderful in telling us what Nintendo really thinks about us. As David Jaffe would say - you really shat on our house.

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