The old Cynical Gamer articles. What an interesting collection of articles that may or may not still have relevance today. Step back in time, and see what is or was on my mind.
 You know, coding a game progress tracker is a lot of work. God knows when it will be finished, but to keep myself from going crazy, I like to play Guitar Hero. See, I like rhythm games. In fact, I like them a lot! They might form my favorite genre, and I wholeheartedly look forward to future releases like Samba De Amigo and Guitar Hero: World Tour. I don’t know what it is about rhythm games, but I find them utterly addictive and extremely enjoyable. Perhaps you hold the same opinion, or maybe you don’t. The latter is cool, except that some people in that group take their reasoning to the extreme, and it makes me angry. See, I used to be a musician. A band geek, so to speak. In addition to being a band geek, I also wore broken plastic glasses, a monochrome short-sleeved shirt, and a pocket protector in the shirt pocket. Just ask the Black Perl, he’d vouch for that. You know, we band geeks are horribly nerdy. That must have been why the jocks always beat the crap out of me and my friends. But, aside from being an über nerd, being a musician gave me a love for all things musical. Can I still play a saxophone or clarinet? Hell if I know, but I can still play my recorder. But, it was a good time, and being a musician gave me some skill sets that others just don’t have. So, I was a musician, marching in Ohio’s Finest (Only) All-Male Marching Band. I am proficient in reading music sheets, and if I practiced (and I don’t), I could probably become a decent musician once more. I really enjoy my musical prowess to a certain extent, but that certainly doesn’t exclude me from liking things that bastardize music. What could possibly bastardize music? Why, rhythm games, of course, and this bastardization make some of you very unhappy. See, some people complain that “Unnamed Rhythm Game A” is so different from the real thing, that it’s just unbearable to play, and that we should all learn to play the real thing. Well, I’ll tell you what. I’ll learn to play your instrument on one condition, you learn to play mine. See, I didn’t get to be a decent saxophone player just by sitting on my ass, no, no. I played that instrument for eight long years, and in the end, I was only decent. What’s that? Not great? Yeah that’s right, after eight years I was only decent. I didn’t look to become the best damn saxophonist in the land, I just wanted to have fun, and that’s what I did. Now, I imagine that if I attempted to learn how to play “Unnamed Instrument A”, it would take several years for me to be good at said instrument. That’s really unfortunate, because I don’t know if I have the time or desire to make such a commitment. I just want to have fun, and I like having fun in a way that’s easy to pick up and play. That’s the beauty of the rhythm games I know and love. They often aren’t like whatever they are trying to imitate, and in doing so it makes it an enjoyable experience for people like me, who just want to rock out to Carry On Wayward Son in Guitar Hero II. I don’t really care if it’s not just like the real experience, I only care that I am having fun. Some of you want to ruin that fun by complaining how a game like Guitar Hero is nothing like playing a real guitar. See, the thing is, we know. We get it, and honestly, we don’t care. Do you wish not to play the game and just play your poor rendition of Mary Had a Little Lamb on guitar? Go right ahead. We’ll stick with Guitar Hero, Rock Band, whatever. You can hate the Guitar games as much as you want, but just do us one thing - quit your bitching.
 Imitation is said to be the sincerest form of flattery, well, that’s at least what they say. To me imitation could be a good thing, or, in a market where being unique can lead to being hugely popular and subsequent huge profit margins, a very bad thing. Look for example at Apple. No one is really like Apple in what they do and what they offer. Apple is the trendy tech company, and pending the outcome of a lawsuit, they either will be comfortably the trendy tech company for years to come, or they could see their profit margins erode as the Mac OS is opened up to other hardware manufacturers. Certainly could throw a wrench into things, that’s for sure. So, what does this talk have to do with gaming? What? Are you serious? Imitation in the gaming realm is making me want to throw up, and I hope you’re as dazed about this imitation as I am. One has to wonder where the first modern rip offs came into play. Being a young ‘un, I don’t remember the 80s, but I do remember the release of the PlayStation. See, it had a controller, and the original looked like a slightly modified SNES controller. I don’t know if I’d call that a rip off, but of course, the similarity between the original PlayStation controller and the SNES controller are just the tip of a much, much larger imitation Ice Berg. In the current generation, two things have really screamed “HAHA I AM RIPPING YOU OFF” more than other things… things that just appear out of the blue and seem to be in response to something else. It’s almost as though these companies are afraid not to imitate a gimmick or feature found with another system. You know, it could be for the best. But no! Here are things that seem like they are reactionary. Sony! What the hell were you thinking with the Sixaxis? Did you really think that tacked on motion control would be the best thing ever for the future of the PlayStation Brand? Perhaps you thought that you could get away with it because only crazy people (or really, really hardcore gamers) would buy a PS3? Whatever it is, it certainly seemed to be reactionary to the Wii Remote. Was it? Who the hell knows, but when you have a controller that looks like a DualShock 2 with motion controls tacked on, one can only speculate that it was. Microsoft! You don’t appear to be any better! Avatars? Where have I seen those before? Oh that’s right! Miis! Sure, Avatars are more customizable, and if I could create an avatar of Avatar Aang*, that’d just be hilarious. Once again, avatars seem to be reactionary, not just to Nintendo’s Miis, but also the sudden explosion of the casual marketplace. Are they a rip off? Why don’t you decide? I won’t hold your hand. Nintendo, you too imitate, but you don’t imitate your competitors, instead, this discussion has come full circle. You’re trying so hard to be something that I don’t think you’ll ever be able to be… Apple. Where as Apple has many, many units in addition to computers, Nintendo, you’re just games, and a games company you shall remain. Sure, you make a lot of money being the trendy and chic games company, but at what expense. Did you really think that “core gamers” would find Animal Crossing to be a game for core gamers? No, I don’t think you did, and honestly, I don’t think you cared. You’ve moved beyond core gamers, and before you know it, you might just be the Apple of the gaming world. Congrats. Truly, congrats. Is it so hard to just be oneself? Some originality goes a long way. But the level of imitation in the games industry is disconcerting, before you know it, companies will be so focused on being reactionary that no one will take risks. I certainly don’t want that. Imitate, but also innovate. Don’t continue this path of reactionary imitation. It’s disgusting. *I like cartoons. What of it?
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