Hey now!
Are you lookin' to satisfy your gaming jones with up to three of your friends, and you possess a flat, stable surface and a decent amount of natural light, but you've no hardware or electricity? Well then, why not whip this out:
Get ready for hours of incredible fun and improbable excitement with your fellow luddites when you play the Super Mario Advance mini board game! Put out way back when by those charming purveyors of pediatric obesity at Wendy's, this crowd-pleaser harkens back to the good ol' days of gaming that gramps used to incessantly natter on about before mom & dad shipped him off to the retirement villa!
This bad boy's features include, but aren't limited to:
- Ten different playable Marioverse characters to choose from, from everybody's fave pipe-warping protagonist to the one-game wonder Wart! Okay, so every character has the exact same power level, and possesses the same singular ability: to move up to five spaces per turn. Hey, big whoop, okay? Personally, I like to play as Luigi 'cuz I identify with his inferiority complex, cowardice, and inability to garner any respect from his peers whatsoever. Boy, do I have issues...
- Compact & portable, with only the smallest bit of assembly and setup required!
- No need for bulky GBA units, messy link cables, or cramp-inducing controllers to play!
- The Super Mario Advance mini board game runs on a minimal amount of personal bioelectric energy that's easily replenished with a few swigs of Mountain Dew and a handful of Cheetos!
- Fast-paced game play! Just slightly slower than a couple rounds of WarioWare microgames, the Super Mario Advance mini board game is made to order for all you speed-runners out there!
- Classic-style graphics along with smooth and responsive controls that pay tribute to such legendary titles as Candy Land, Sorry!, and Chutes & Ladders! And by "tribute," I mean "an outright rip-off."
- Replayability! Oh, don't you even get me started on replayability! No, really, I don't wanna talk about it-- it's way too soon after the break-up.
But wait, there's more! Just flip the board over--carefully now, that's it--and you and your geekin' cronies can get into some hot Mario Kart action! (Not that kind of hot action you degenerate!)
It's two!... Two!!... TWO GAMES IN ONE!!!
Or three games in one if you consider this a scaled-down real-world version of Mario Party. And party you will... especially now that you can invite your Amish friends over to throw down! You just might be up 'til ten tonight, you scofflaw, you!
So what are you waiting for?! Grab your very own copy of the Super Mario Advance mini board game today! Or whenever it's being offered on eBay or CraigsList, hopefully complete and in decent condition. Which could be any day now... mmmyep...
- 'Late
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