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Blogger Archive: Marriott_Guy 
While kicking back this past weekend, the unexpected befell this aged bachelor - emergency babysitting duty of my 6 year old niece. With little time to prepare, it was decided that we would just hang out at my humble abode for the evening. To my surprise, she was not disappointed at all but actually ecstatic. This would be her very first visit to my home and entrance to my 'Room of Doom' was included in the evening's events (in addition to a Kung Fu Panda video).
Upon her arrival, she politely declined my offer of the Dora the Explorer juice box and simply looked up at me and cautiously asked "Can we go check out the video games Uncle Terry?" So off we went, skipping the whole way (why do kids like to skip so much?) to the Man Cave.
She was initially awestruck by all of the mysterious goodies contained within my secret gaming domain. She had experienced the Nintendo Wii and gaming apps on her iPod touch, but this was a completely different animal. After receiving my A-OK, she immediately plopped down in front of one of the bookcases to pick out a game for us.
Within a few minutes, she began organizing games taken off the shelf into distinct, but as of yet unidentifiable, piles. She then stated in a rather dubious manner "Uncle Terry, what are we going to play???" It was only then that I recognized the pattern: titles were being sorted by their ESRB rating. Her frustration was being fueled by the inability to quickly locate any "C" (children) or "E" (everyone) rated games. This realization caused me to pause prior to answering her. I took a moment to reflect upon my own early years, an era when ignoring similar cautionary flags could actually lead to incurring substantial physical harm ... |
| Handy Andy Toolbox
Complete with a steel hammer, finishing nails and a metal serrated saw, the Handy Andy Toolbox provided the urchin everything needed to impart destruction. Family furnishings were primarily the target, but annoying little sisters could also become the recipient of 'Handy Andy Terror'. | Betty Crocker Easy Bake Oven
 Looks pretty innocent at first glance, but this demon actually caused more house fires than anything else on this list. In addition to being able to actually heat your morning biscuit to a fairly high temperature, the Easy Bake Oven excelled at exploding ball point pens, melting crayons and torturing the wayward insect. | Jarts
For those unfamiliar with Jarts (or lawn darts), the premise is the same as horseshoes but you use high-flying metal tipped darts in lieu of slow moving steel projectiles. Participation required nimbleness to avoid the errant cast that could turn this seemingly harmless toy into a potential death missile. | Pen Knife
For whatever reason, this always seems to be an item gifted from one's Grandfather. Receiving one of these multi-functional instruments is almost like a rite of passage for the youngster. The possibilities this tool afforded were overwhelming, as were the self-inflicted injuries this device could inflict. | Kaster Sets
Like the Play-Doh Fun Factory, the Kaster Kit enabled the young buck the ability to craft their own toys. But instead of using a malleable clay product, the material that was provided was solid lead. The manufacturer 'wisely' included an apparatus to heat the lead to its melting point (621 degrees F!!). | Wood Burning Kits
Before the age of electronic labeling devices, the wood burning kit was the inscribing king. Within a matter of minutes, hooligans could apply their initials to virtually anything. From baseball mitts to the coffee table, everything could be branded by the youth, including human flesh for the careless. | The Junior Chemist
Now if the Junior Chemistry Set isn't a recipe for disaster, I don't know what is. With over 20 chemical compounds, test tubes and its very own Bunsen burner, the adolescent was provided with everything they needed to create any number of mysterious, bubbling cocktails. Without a doubt, this product had to be the Poison Control Center's biggest nightmare. | Atomic Energy Lab
This has got to be the most outrageous toy in the history of mankind. This monstrosity came with four different types of uranium ore, a cloud chamber with its own short-lived alpha source and an electroscope. An optional Geiger counter was also available for purchase, a popular add-on to ensure that radiated family members were appropriately quarantined. |
| I snapped back to reality to see my niece, still sitting there patiently awaiting my answer. What game were we going to play? If I could have survived the hazards detailed above, then she could certainly weather virtually any title within my collection. A glance down at that young bug quickly dismissed that thought. To her delight and my dismay, we ended up playing the following, a true horror that rivals any of the items listed above: | High School Musical 3: Senior Year DANCE!
 | | What Hazardous Toys Do You Remember? |
Video Game Weaponry
Melee Based |
Game developers provide us with a myriad of instruments to defend ourselves against their virtual army of evil. These can be classified into the following categories: Melee Ranged Magic This article will take a look at the first class, the Melee based method of assault/defense. This writing is not meant to be all-inclusive, inventory type of document, but more of a general overview from this old school gamer. For me, this type of attack is the preferred method during gaming. The personal, upfront confrontation with some dark spawn is my cup of tea, especially when I am brandishing an instrument of mass destruction in my gloves. I also like the aspect of not running out of ammo or manna like you can with the other two types. Sure, I have to keep watch in some games with my stamina level, but overall this is usually a small price to pay. The following takes a look at some of these pain-bringers and my thoughts on them.
|  | | | Fisticuffs | Hammer |
 Executing the uppercut of the century is always satisfying. Even back in the day, the sound effects were spot on and conveyed perfectly when delivering bare-handed punishment to your foes. Range, on the other hand, is always its downfall. Be prepared to take a few whacks to your grill when powering up your guns.
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 They don't call it "The Persuader" for nothing. The Hammer is not what you would call a subtle instrument of destruction. Known for dishing out massive damage, this tool is extremely slow to wield and maneuver, often leaving the Hero in a vulnerable position. It worked pretty well for Mario though. Overall not one of my favs.
| | Crowbar | Lead Pipe |
 In my humble opinion, the Crowbar is one of the most underrated melee weapons of all time. Sure, Gordon showed off its true potential in Half Life, but very few others have taken his cue. Its simple, elegant form contradicts the pure pain-inflicting nature of this device. Another plus is that it always comes in handy when having to break some window or pry open that door to a secret room filled with loot and other goodies.
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 The Lead Pipe has been a favorite weapon of game developers for quite sometime due to its overall effectiveness and simplistic design. One overhead whack to the coconut and you can say goodnight to any villain. One of the constants throughout the gaming years has been that hollow, high pitched 'clunk' sound effect when connecting with the bad guy's melon. Unfortunately this iron pain baton has lost its luster through the years.
| | | Aluminum Baseball Bat | Axe \ Hatchet |
 What is there not to like about the Aluminum Baseball Bat? The sound effects are awesome, you can wield it with one or two hands and the damage is usually staggering. There is also something unnerving when you see one in real life stashed in the back of someone's car or next to your lady friend's bed. Out of all the blunt weapon types, this is definitely one of my favorites.
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 For whatever reason, the Axe doesn't really do anything for me. I admit that I am not a big fan of slow, cumbersome armaments like this (see Hammer). Most times it is a two-handed affair which limits my options (shield, secondary arm, etc.). I still have no idea to this day why every single member of the Dwarvian nation absolutely loves the Axe. Must be something in their genes.
| | | Chainsaw | Whip |
 Nothing more clearly communicates your intentions to the baddies when you lumber towards them with a churning chainsaw in your mitts. As a gamer, that guttural 'wheee' noise truly gets my blood pumping. One of the great things about the Chainsaw is that it never runs out of gas, but it can get 'stuck' in monsters.
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 These come in all varieties and have been a staple throughout the evolution of gaming. From Simon Belmont (Castlevania) to Kratos (God of War), the Whip has always proven to be an effective instrument during combat. Though it inflicts moderate damage to the evil minions, its range and usefulness (climbing) are excellent.
| | | Katana | Light Saber |
 There are all sorts of swords that become available to the gamer during their progress through a title, but the Katana is usually the ultimate score. Lightening quick and capable of felling a foe with a single swipe, this sleek blade exhibits unusually high precision. Unfortunately most games require two hands to take advantage of this power. The is definitely a drawback, but it is still cool!
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 The infamous Light Saber. This is most definitely one of the most versatile melee weapons out there. It will not only dole out unequalled pain, but it can cut threw sealed doors, be thrown like a boomerang amongst other activities. The bad thing is that use is usually restricted to members of 'The Force'. Luke was cool, but if Han could also wield this blade I would be a very happy camper.
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What are Your Favorite Melee Weapons?
Which Ones Do You Absolutely Abhor?
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| The Demise of the Video Game Manual |
The other evening I opened up NBA 2K11 and was presented with the following on page 1 of the miniscule documentation (4 pages in total):
Reading those dreaded words officially ended my naive hopes that my gaming partner would recover from the years of cropping and truncating. Though I was aware that the end was nearing (Ubisoft), my old friend known as the Video Game Manual was at long last on its final legs. |
Back in the day, tearing open a new video game was pure exhilaration. Not only did I finally acquire that cherished title, but I couldn't wait to check out its mandatory sidekick - the Video Game Manual. As much as the software itself, I was stoked to check out those glossy, colorful pages that would detail the various ins and outs for my upcoming gaming adventure. What surprises lay in store for me? Would it give me some secret tips in addition to that somewhat-mandatory "Notes" page to scrawl my cheat codes. high scores and the like? For those old-timers out there, this anticipation was akin to slipping the jacket out of a new vinyl purchase. You did so in a very slow, calculated manner in hopes that this meticulous action would somehow ensure the ultimate payoff - song lyrics imprinted upon the album sleeve. Ripping into a new video game purchase was much the same. For my hard earned cash, I was eagerly expecting to be rewarded in some manner in addition to the game itself. For the most part, the publisher did not disappoint. They took great pride in the production and content of their game manuals. Screenshots were showcased in addition to providing 'survival tips', background story, team rosters and sometimes even a game map. You never knew what might be encompassed within, or accompany, the instructions. It was like opening up a box of Cracker Jacks as a kid. Sadly, those magical moments are nearing its end. 
| Final Fantasy III really gave gamers a bang for their buck!! |
For the most part, budgetary and environmental initiatives have basically castrated the Video Game Manual. Don't get me wrong - I want to save a tree as much as the next guy. I am all for utilizing technology to reduce manufacturing expense and the overall ecological footprint of production. That being said, the instruction booklet is an integral part of the overall experience for this old school gamer and should not be the sacrificial lamb. The joy of simply reading through that gaming goodness prepared me for the upcoming experience. I can't quite put it into words, but I could feel myself getting completely immersed in the game after studying a well produced manual prior to actually playing it. Yes, I grant you that I may just be feeling nostalgic at the moment. I miss the days of finding those hidden gems within that game packaging. I find myself being pleasantly surprised less and less as the years go by. Of course, this is a sign of old age coupled with dawn of the digital era. Still, I will miss my cherished compadre. The glory days of the Video Game Manual have unfortunately come to an end. Unless, of course, you decide to purchase the Limited Edition version.
| | | Do you miss the Video Game Manual?
Which ones were among your favorites? | |
| Most Hated Gaming Missions | This weekend I was blessed with the unthinkable - an absolutely blank calendar. For the first time in nearly two months, the madness known as 'social obligations' had thankfully subsided for a couple of days. My internal battery had been running on fumes for quite a while, so this break was more than welcomed. I was not about to waste this momentary reprieve. What better way to recharge than to bust out a new video game! | With my freedom firmly secured, I ripped open Two Worlds II with a passion that would rival even the best TV evangelist. Within minutes, my Hero was once again dispatching the dark minions that foolishly chose to take up residence in the mythical world of Antaloor. My melee warrior grew more powerful by the hour as he decimated the parasites that stood in his path. Similar to his experience meter, I could actually feel myself being reenergized as my gaming night progressed; sort of like my soul 'leveling up'. Life was once again in balance for me, or so it would seem until a ridiculous mission reared its ugly mug before my virtual GI - a stealth assignment!  This wasn't the part that stumped me in TW II, but it is completely applicable to my anguish. |
Are you kidding me? I had carefully crafted my Hero to be the super tank for all ages, but now he was obligated to complete some seemingly random, clandestine operation for the story to progress. What's up with that nonsense? The bliss enjoyed merely moments ago quickly vanished. Necessitating this unnatural tactic upon my champion was the equivalent to a swift kick to my spiritual grill. I love a good challenge and all, but sometimes jamming a square peg into a round hole just doesn't cut it. Frustrated to no end, I quickly hit the Save button and ended my gaming session. I sat there thinking to myself how much I truly despised this type of Alter-Ego adventure. If I were top dog overseeing this game project, after several failed attempts I would have allowed an "Annihilate All" gamer option of dealing with the problem at hand. Sure, the rewards would not be as great as accomplishing the goal as originally instructed, but at least the player could proceed and continue to get their game on. The following are other types of missions that truly tend to spike my blood pressure, and not in a good way. | | | Timed Missions |
 The GTA series is known for their timed missions, and I respect that. Too bad I suck at them. |
Being a more casual gamer, I prefer to enjoy the gaming experience at a steady pace rather than always being in 5th gear. Timed Missions are my antithesis. Initially, I love the adrenaline flow that immediately occurs when that ticking clock unexpectedly pops up in the right hand corner of your display. But once the countdown begins in full earnest, I am singing a completely different tune - one of panic and stress. Don't get me wrong, I do like the pressure that accompanies missions of this sort. That being said, I don't want to put through the agony of attempting to complete a timed objective 30 consecutive times just to continue the story (I am looking at you GTA). Yeah, I know, this type may be targeted by me due to my gaming futility. But regardless if I stink, it wouldn't kill the developers to throw me a few outs, or workarounds, at the very least. | | Bad Vehicle Missions |
 Driving that Mako in the original Mass Effect was anything but enjoyable. |
I love driving a rad car/boat/ship/etc. as much as the next guy, but it needs to be properly executed. There are very few things worse than sticking it to the man with a crappily controlled mode of transportation. It is frustrating as hell to maneuver a poorly engineered (programmed) POS, but on top of that to expect us to achieve any sort of objective is ludicrous. I don't care if it is a horse, hover craft, whatever, please triple the time you spend on QA testing in this area prior to incorporating into any game. Like my parents preached to me as an adolescent, just because you can do something son doesn't necessarily mean you should (a lesson Mass Effect 2 thankfully took to heart). | Escort Missions |
 Zombie killing machine one moment, protecting an innocent the next. Shame on you RE 4. |
You know the drill. Deliver some random, computer controlled being/convoy from Point A to Point B, hoping they don't get massacred along the way. I think developers want us to feel some type of emotional attachment to these NPC idiots. First off, I really don’t give a rat's ass if they get butchered - I am just doing this quest for the loot and experience points. Secondly, if you are going to burden me with this dolt, at least program them properly. It's bad enough that I have to protect someone who only has a sliver of HP/protection to begin with compared to our foes, but then you saddle them with programming afflictions as well. All of them are either slow of foot, unfocused, confused or too brave for their own good. Give them (and me) a fighting chance for goodness sake! | | I realize that I may be somewhat venting due to the cruel twist of fate that befell my gaming session this weekend. Regardless, every gamer out there has certain types of missions that they absolutely hate. I'd love to hear about yours, but I just found out that my lady friend scheduled a dinner party for this evening (without my knowledge) and I have to run. I guess the internal recharging for this INTJ is coming to an end. In all honesty, that 'stealth assignment' for my Two Worlds II warrior is looking pretty good to me right about now.  | | What Gaming Missions Do You Completely Hate? | |
| The Perfect Storm |
For nearly two generations, the console world has been dominated by the big three - Nintendo, Sony and Microsoft. All have produced fine systems in their own right, introducing new technology and innovations to our gaming universe. That being said, the availability of viable alternatives has been virtually nonexistent for the past decade. Outside of a few niche systems (XaviXPORT, et. al.), the Big Three have reaped the benefits of conducting business within a pseudo monopolistic environment. If history truly repeats itself, this technological bottleneck may be nearing the end of its cycle.
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Throughout the video gaming era, console wars tend to erupt when a significant breakthrough occurs in a complimentary industry. Whether it is the development of a new microprocessor or the introduction of an enhanced media format, competition increases as manufacturers look to capitalize on emerging technologies. Many of these ventures have been less than successful, but every now and again a new face can rise to prominence. Microsoft and Sony are prime examples of this. Current advancements in autostereoscopy (3D display without use of peripherals) and motion/voice controlled interaction may provide the requisite window of opportunity for the next video gaming juggernaut. For any company to take advantage of this potential opening, a perfect storm must occur with the convergence of the following attributes: Financial Wherewithal, Technological Expertise, Brand Recognition and Visionary Leadership. Financial Wherewithal |
Needless to say, entry into the video game hardware market is an extremely expensive endeavor. In addition to the assumed R&D, marketing, manufacturing, and associated overhead expense of producing a new system (which in and of itself is staggering), any prospective company must be able to withstand significant losses during the initial product launch and those incurred throughout its developmental phase. Such investment necessitates a long term fiscal commitment, coupled with the experience to successfully develop/execute the base economic model.
| Technological Expertise |
The ability to take advantage of existing in-house resources is almost a necessity. Companies able to redeploy andor repurpose established assets gain significant financial flexibility due to lowered expenses in those synergistic areas. The core competencies of an organization must not only be complimentary in nature, but be realized directly within the hardware of any prospective new system.
| Brand Recognition |
This past decade has been economically challenging to say the least. The general public is discerning as ever regarding discretionary purchases. Price will always play a significant role in these buying decisions, but trust in the brand has become equally, if not more, important. This would be especially true for a new product entry in a market not normally associated with said company. Consumers, along with shareholders, need to have confidence in a corporation prior to supporting any new venture, especially one that might be viewed as risky.
| Visionary Leadership |
Obviously, this is an absolute necessity for any entity to be successful. The ability to not only anticipate, but more importantly to meet, the long-term demand of the consumer is critical in maintaining/obtaining superiority over the competition. The leadership team must have excellent foresight, but also the mettle to follow through and effectively sell their vision to all vested parties.
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The following lists a few companies, all of which have varied historical ties to the video game console industry, which fit this speculative profile. | | | 
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This giant is no stranger to the video game market. In addition to releasing their moderately successful CD-i line of consoles during the 1990s, Philips was the official distributor and manufacturer of the Magnavox Odyssey 2 video game system in Europe (VideoPac). Philips has long been an innovator within the electronics industry, creating the Laser Disc format and then subsequently developing, in conjunction with Sony and others, the optical disc formats we enjoy today (CD, DVD, Blu-ray). Their portfolio is extremely diversified, with almost 45% of total annual sales derived from their Healthcare division, which in fact specializes in Imaging Systems and Devices (potential 3D gaming applications).
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Another industry behemoth, Toshiba has long been a leader in the manufacturing and development of electronic devices and systems. They have been known to invest in emerging technologies, such as the NUON and their patented HD-DVD disc format. Their purchase of Westinghouse Electric Company, one of the world’s largest producers of nuclear energy, in 2006 is a prime example of their visionary culture. They are currently at the forefront of 3D-TV evolution, unveiling the first peripheral-free sets this past October, 2010.
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If there is one company that truly excels in building, and maintaining, consumer loyalty, look no further than Apple, Inc. Since their inception in 1976, Apple has continually introduced new products that challenge the traditional offerings of its competitors. This sprit of change, coupled with excellent manufacturing, marketing and support, has garnered them an extremely devoted customer base. Though their last venture into the video game market was disastrous (the Pippin, licensed to Bandai), this company is not afraid to step outside the proverbial box.
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The entertainment world has changed considerably over the past decade. Video games are no longer the red headed step child of their box office counterpart(s) - they are now partners. Continued advancements in CGI (computer-generated imagery) and further integration within each medium provides excellent leveraging opportunities. Time Warner’s diversified portfolio provides them the ability to maximize the productivity of existing, internal resources. Let's not forget that Warner also has a little history in the video game hardware market - they owned Atari from 1976-1984.
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Yes, this is the dark horse, sentimental entry in this company list. After a successful run throughout the 1980s and 1990s, Sega bowed out of the console war after their release of the Dreamcast system in 1999 due to significant company debt. They have since rebounded as a third party, multi-platform software distributor. Rumors of a new, propriety handheld system have recently surfaced, resulting in a flurry of internet chatter as to the possibility of Sega reentering the hardware arena.
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The above list is purely theoretical in nature. Research was conducted in compiling the prospective candidates, but by no means should this be viewed as anything but an educated conjecture. In all honesty, as market conditions change, successful companies have the ability to adapt and shift focus to meet consumer demand and maintain profitability. For all we know, the next juggernaut console may be named one of the following:   
OK, I grant you that last entry (SX2) might be a bit of a stretch. But the truth is, the next household name may come from a complete unknown, as has been demonstrated in the past. At the end of the day, new competition only enhances our video gaming experience and advances technology. In today's age, a true perfect storm must occur for this to happen. Who will surprise us?
| | Outside of the Big Three, who do you think
could potentially be the next hardware giant? | | |
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