joke thread

[The Metamorphosing Leon]

lolz

[Sirgin]

Hillary Clinton's OB-GYN

Hillary Clinton went for her annual exam. After the exam, the OB-GYN  told her that she was pregnant, and in great shape. Hillary couldn't believe the news and stormed out of the office. She rushed to her limo and picked up the phone to call the Oval Office.

"You got me pregnant! How could you be so careless?" There is a silence on the other end. Finally, she hears Bill's voice.

"Who is this?''

[logical123]

Hillary Clinton's OB-GYN

Hillary Clinton went for her annual exam. After the exam, the OB-GYN  told her that she was pregnant, and in great shape. Hillary couldn't believe the news and stormed out of the office. She rushed to her limo and picked up the phone to call the Oval Office.

"You got me pregnant! How could you be so careless?" There is a silence on the other end. Finally, she hears Bill's voice.

"Who is this?''

Great stuff!

Okay, here's one:

What do you get when you cross-breed chicken and corn?
.
.
.
.
Popcorn-Chicken! lulz.

[Sirgin]

Another one:


Smart Pills:
       
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, ''What is that?''

''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter.

So he ate them and said, ''These taste like crap.''

''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're getting smarter already.''

[ganonbanned]

A traveling salesman knocks on the door of a farmhouse, and much to his surprise, Barack Obama answers the door. The salesman says, "I was expecting the farmer's daughter." Barack Obama replies, "She's not here. The farm was foreclosed on because of subprime loans that are making a mockery of the American Dream."

[Sirgin]

[img width=700 height=427]http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Comics/Dave/comicbungeejumping.png[/img]

[BadEnoughDude]

Oh, that's gross

[Sirgin]

Oh, that's gross

Too gross? It's a joke so it shouldn't be taken serious

But if you want, I can replace it with another one

[Deafens Proner]

Computer Acronyms

PCMCIA
People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

ISDN
It Still Does Nothing

APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI
System Can't See It

DOS
Defective Operating System

BASIC
Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM
I Blame Microsoft

DEC
Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM
Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

OS/2
Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW
World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH
Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM
Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

COBOL
Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA
A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP
Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS
Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

GIRO
Garbage In Rubbish Out

MICROSOFT
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only (for) Fools (&) Teenagers

[Zagnorch]

Q: How like a running back was Darth Vader in Strikes back the Empire?

A: Took Luke's hand-off he did!

[img width=641 height=468]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_1v_1_hhWp84/S_Yam57_EyI/AAAAAAAAC-s/xZLMTGN9Svs/s1600/empire-luke-hand-cut-off.PNG[/img]

Mmmmhmmmhmmmhmmhmmm!

A million of them I have!

[Deafens Proner]

[img width=680 height=990]http://i.imgur.com/7coTq.gif[/img]

[Zagnorch]

All right, kids, get ready to be pelted with a few cornballs!

You’ll be facepalming so hard at these dumb jokes and lame puns, you’ll suffer a concussion!

And awaaaaay we go:


Imagine if they combined Superman with Magneto! Wouldn’t that be super-neato?

Speakin’ of which: if Superman was the king of lies, wouldn’t his arch-enemy be Lex Truthor?

Didja hear about Darth Vader’s sister, Ella?

My best friend was telling me about his cousin’s love of fudge.
I asked him, “Would you say she’s mental for fudge?”
“You freakin’-a better believe she is,” he replied.
“Does she go to church at all,” I asked.
“Not that I know of,” he responded.
“So she’s not a religious fudge-a-mental-ist, then?”
With a heavy sigh, my friend said, “And you wonder why I never invite you to my parties anymore…”


...and there you have it-- for now.

Boy, if my karma levels weren't in the double-figure negs before, hey sure will be now...

[Deafens Proner]

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

[Razor Knuckles]

The TOP TEN reasons to mail some one a package of poop:

!. To your ex-husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend
2. Neighbors pet crapping on your lawn
3. For your mean boss
4. For a salesperson or mechanic that ripped you off
5. A Last minute gift for some one who has everything
6. A gag gift
7. For a rich gloating friend, to knock them down a peg
8. To the teacher that gave your son/daughter a D
9. Some one left you negative feedback on your auction
10. You just don't like them

[Deafens Proner]

Top 10 Reasons Why Homer Simpson Should Be the Next President

10. I'm smarter than the last guy.
9. With an oval office, I can't bump into anything.
8. Fox News is already on my side.
7. I will take full advantage of the free food that comes with the job.
6. I have enormous experience apologizing for failed decisions.
5. I will appoint a Secretary of Donuts.
4. I will be the Secretary of Donuts.
3. My middle name isn't Hussein ... anymore.
2. My vice president will be Mayor McCheese.
1. Kick-ass inauguration party! Bring a six pack and you're in.

http://www.youtube.com/wa...p;v=bPx6eLDEmsM&gl=US