joke thread ???

[Speedy_NES]

What's the difference between Goerge W Bush and a bucket of shit?



























The bucket.

[The Metamorphosing Leon]

David Letterman's Top 10 Reasons Why There Are No Blacks In Nascar
10.  Have to sit upright while driving.
9.  Pistol won't stay under front seat.
8.  Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
7.  Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
6.  They keep trying to carjack Dale Jr..
5.  Police cars on track interfere with race.
4.  No passenger seat for the ho.
3.  No Cadillac's approved for competition.
2.  Can't wear helmet sideways.
And The Number 1 Reason Why Blacks Can't Be In Nascar
1.  When they crash their cars, they bail out and run.

[wrldstrman]

David Letterman's Top 10 Reasons Why There Are No Blacks In Nascar
10.  Have to sit upright while driving.
9.  Pistol won't stay under front seat.
8.  Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
7.  Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
6.  They keep trying to carjack Dale Jr..
5.  Police cars on track interfere with race.
4.  No passenger seat for the ho.
3.  No Cadillac's approved for competition.
2.  Can't wear helmet sideways.
And The Number 1 Reason Why Blacks Can't Be In Nascar
1.  When they crash their cars, they bail out and run.

[Tynstar]

Those are good.

[Sauza12]

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Wii.
Wii who?
Well I'm glad to see you too.

Yes, very, very stupid

[RetroYoungen]

A man is taking care of his elderly mother.  When he gets home from work one day he finds her on the ground, and she's not moving.  He calls 911.  She's taken to the hospital, and after a while a doctor comes out to the waiting room to talk to the man.

Doctor: "I have good news, and I have bad news."

Man: "OK... first, the bad news."

Doctor: "Well, your mother has suffered a massice stroke.  She's lost all of the control over her right side, so she will have a lot of trouble eating.  You'll have to hand-feed her three times a day for the rest of her life."

Man: "Oh my god..."

Doctor: "She also will not be able to move much, so you'll have to give her sponge baths."

Man: "Oh Jesus..."

Doctor: "One more thing.  She's lost all control of her bowels, so you'll have to change her and wipe her up."

Man: "Oh my... what's... what's the good news?"

Doctor: *laughs* "That I'm just screwing with you!  She's dead!"

[Rejinx]

 Ãƒâ€šÃ‚   Ãƒâ€šÃ‚  /\
   /   \    Blue Collar Comady Tour
I loved that one  

[The Metamorphosing Leon]

I saw that show too. Well, I heard it  

[RetroYoungen]

     /\
   /   \    Blue Collar Comady Tour
I loved that one  

I love it too, but I was surprised when I heard it because I'd heard that one YEARS before those performances. lol

[captain_nintendo]

 

Good one RY.

[Tynstar]

Thats just wrong but very funny.

[RetroYoungen]

A man sprints into a bar (but ducked, so no impact there) and shouts at the bartender "I need 8 shots of your best whiskey, right now!"  Startled, the bartender sets up the eight shotglasses and pours our the most expensive whiskey he has.  The man starts just pounding down the shots.  The bartender askes him "What's the emergency?"  The man answers, hesitating on his fourth shot, "You'd be downing this kind of alcohol too if you had what I've got."  He finished off the last shot, and the bartender asks "What do you have?"

The man says "A buck fifty."

[Sauza12]

 

[RetroYoungen]

One more for now, in the thread of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, courtesy of Ron White.

"I have a cousin Ray who's a homophobic, and he told me once 'This world would be better if there weren't so many queers' and I told him 'Look, if you ever have a thought... just let it go.  We're all gay, it's just a matter of how gay you are.'  He said 'That's bullsh*t man, I ain't gay at aw-ll.'  I told him 'Yeah you are, and I can prove it.'

"He said 'Fine, prove it.'

"I told him 'Alright, d'you like porn?'  He said 'Of course I love porn, you know that.'  'D'you only watch the scenes with two women together?'  'Naw, I'll watch a man and a woman makin' love.'

"I asked him 'D'you like the guy to have a small, half-flaccid penis?'  And he said 'No, I like big, hard, throbbin' co-... I did not know that about myself!' "

[Tynstar]