Jungle Jim's

[Lord Nepenthean]

[img align=right]http://www.junglejims.com/images/Attractions/attractions_oct_04/attractions_main.gif[/img]Our grocery store can kick your grocery store's butt.  Jungle Jim's is an international grocery store and resort.  It takes up several acres, and it is by far the coolest grocery store you'll ever go into.  They have a full "regular" selection of foods, plus enormous spaces of food and produce imported from all over the world - Europe, Asia, South America, Africa, the Pacific, and more.  It's the kind of place you can go into and always see something new.  And, if you're a food lover, you'll never walk out with something you haven't tried before.

To make things more entertaining, there are animatronic puppets (you know, like at Chuck E. Cheese's) all over the store that talk, sing, and dance.  There is even a giant Gilligan's Island boat in between produce and seafood with General Mills ceral characters on top that play music.  I'm not making this up.  They also have a small "movie theater" where a video shows the history of the store as it grew from a small fruit stand to the giant place it is now.  And how could I forget the Chernobyl-themed tanks by the live fish harvest? (Does anyone from out of Ohio know the reference?)  Above the UK food selection there is a 30 foot tall tree with Robin Hood and his Merry Men.

[img align=right]http://www.junglejims.com/images/Attractions/Aug_04_images/tram_forweb.jpg[/img]Right now, they are adding tons of new stuff.  They supposedly have the largest collection of wine in the world. The meats and cheese section just got expanded.  They even have their own aging box with a 618 lb. "Big Cheese" which will be cut up and sold when it is done aging.  The Cooking School has recently been revamped with new equipment.  They've also added a full size bank (with a facade themed like the Acropolis), Starbuck's coffee shop, a cigar shop, an ice cream parlor, a Cincinnati Bell store (local phone provider), and even a U.S. Post Office.  In the works are a monorail train, hotel, restaraunt, and even a second location.

This place rocks.  Other Cincinnati folk can attest to this fact.

And now I get to work there.  I just had my interview there about an hour ago and I got hired.  Hooray.  I've loved this store for a long time now, so I'm pretty pumped about getting a full-time job there.

http://www.junglejims.com

[den68]

wow! sure beats Meijer's

[CatchFiveBats]

That's awesome!  I wish we had something like that around here...

[Arrrhalomynn]

Do they have dutch licorice?

[Izret101]

That is one big ass grocery store.
I wish i had to go to that place when i was a kid. I would have loved to go grocery shopping.

[Lord Nepenthean]

Do they have dutch licorice?

Yes they do.  They have several brands/varieties, direct from Holland.  I've had it before.  Pretty good stuff.

[Hydrobond]

The only think Nep left out is that it's hella-expensive.  Can you get me a discount now, Nep?

[Lord Nepenthean]

I'm not sure yet, but I think there is a good possibility.  They didn't say anything about that during my interview, but discounts is listed as one of the benefits on their website when you become an employee.

[Hydrobond]

So are you going to get some of that amish beef jerkey?  (You know, the $30 stuff.)  And can you finally use your car then?

[Lord Nepenthean]

Maybe and yes.

[TraderJake]

Do they have dutch licorice?

I had some wonderful people from the Netherlands work for me 2 years ago and they were kind enough to bring  to work some of the Klene Drops, direct from Holland. They said that they tasted like black licorice. I like black licorice. They insisted that I try some, as well as my boss and my supervisors. I obliged. It smelled really really funky. The Dutch Employees were staring at us with huge, sly smiles on their faces as we placed the drops in our mouths. Turns out that they do taste like licorice. What they forgot to mention was how the drops have the taste of black licorice raised to the tenth power. It was quite the heavy stuff, and of course our wonderful Dutch Employees started laughing  once they saw the expressions on our faces. I don't think a single one of us was able to swallow it completely. So, so strong. Just remember, next time you eat one of those drops, God kills a yoshi. Please, think of the yoshis.

Oh yes.... What!? You say there is a topic at hand? It's, it's about Chuck E Cheese, right? No? Must then be about Jungle Jims then. ALL HAIL ELVIS. I bet you'll never meet a more interesting signer. I personally think Elvis is lip synching.  And, it is going to have a Monorail! A MONORAIL! Yay for that. Just remember what the meat department says, "Join Peta-- People for the Eating of Tasty Animals." Jungle Jims totally kicks ass. I dare you find a more interesting grocery store.

[Izret101]

Does the meat department really sayu that?
If so that place has just increased in coolness by 100xs

I saw a bumper sticker that said that before and it had some animals in a pot.

[TraderJake]

Not officially,but they have the shirt. And they have alligator jerky. And they have Yorkie Bars. It's NOT for girls. Package says so. Probably some of the best chocolate I've had, behind the good ol' Hershey's Bar. And then there are the McV's digestives, which some day we'll buy and serve at a party for a crappily good time. (by someday I mean never) Jungle Jims is the place to go. Ever wanted to fulfill your mob fantasy of putting a horse's head in someone's bed. Well, Jungle Jims won't give you the gateway to that, but they do have calf heads for sale, and that could be a suitable replacement.

[Lord Nepenthean]

Know what we need to do?  We need to invite ourselves up to Frank's some weekend.  He'll surely drag us to a party, so if we take a few packs of those digestives, we can pass them out to all the drunks.  It would be beautiful.

[Hydrobond]

Two things:
1) I don't think Frank actually goes out and parties. He usually just smokes pot and gets drunk in his apartment.
2) The type of party he would take you to dosn't involve any food, just drinking and I'm sure the occacional drug.  Even though most of them are drunk, they still don't take wierd cookies.

Although I could imagine such a situation:
Nep) Hey, you want to try one of these, they're awesome.
Random Slutty Chick) Hmm... Hang on. Let me get some more jungle juice to wash it down with.
Nep) Alrighty, I'll wait here.
RSC) So what does 'digestive' mean?
Nep) Oh that means you won't get a hangover.
RSC) Oh awesome!
Nep) Yeah, like totally!
RSC) So where are you from?  mmm... this is pretty tasty.
Nep) I'm from da 'nati.
RSC) Cool. hmm... my stomach is grumbling.
Nep) Yeah, thats just the digestive 'working'
RSC) Oh my god! I think I'm going to puke!
//RSC procedes to puke her guts all over Nep because he gave her one of those shitty cookies
Frank) Damn bitch, you have a low tolerance.

So in conclusion, bringing digestives to a party could have nothing but negative consequences for all involved.