Picking up and leaving everything behind

[hXd]

I wanted to get some RFGen'rs thoughts on this- have you ever wanted to leave everything behind and start fresh somewhere else? At the age of 26 I feel as though I've hit a dead end in life. The fact that I'm unemployed is making this worse, but even when I was working I was still not happy with my situation. I've already left NY once to pursue school and had to move back because financially it didn't work out.

I realize that internally (and sometimes externally), your problems will follow you no matter where you go. But I feel as though I've outgrown my life situation and have been reduced to a caretaker. Granted, after taking care of me all these years she's entitled to it (grandmother), but I don't want to live and die in this house. I guess I'm just afraid that I will be stuck here.

If you've left your original home and started somewhere with a clean slate, post a reply about it. I'd love to hear your story.

[Deafens Proner]

Wish I could help you, I'm dealing with the same shit here

[singlebanana]

That's a tough decision and though I moved away from my hometown (where my entire extended family lives) I've never been in a situation where I had responsibility for any one (i.e. a caretaker).  However, my grandparents have serious health problems and I see how it burdens and affects my parents.  They are pretty much stuck and can't move away because none of their siblings are responsible or willing to take on as much of the load as they do.  I respect what my parents are doing, but I feel really bad for them.  I've even had the conversation with them that I will not be coming back to care for them if their health declines, but have suggested that they look into retirement communities near where I currently live so that I can help them later in life.  I know that may sound kind of cold, but I have a wife and two kids, and my main priorities now lie elsewhere.  They understand this of course. 

I know this might come out sounding horrible, but sometimes you have to be a little selfish to maximize your happiness.  Being "selfish" isn't always a bad thing, since if you are always doing for others, you find little time to do for yourself and get in a rut.  Sure, things hardly ever work out perfectly and everyone's level of attaining happiness will differ, but you have to set the wheels in motion to live your life, or you may ultimately regret it one day.  Unless you believe in reincarnation, you have to realize that you have only one chance to live your life, so it's best to be happy and make the best of it.

I would have a talk with your grandmother and express how you feel.  You might be surprised what her reaction is and maybe she even worries at times that she might be holding you back.  The world is a vast place and there are plenty of places where one can find happiness.  Again, I've never made a drastic, "clean slate" move, but I've never gotten to the point where I thought that was necessary.  To each their own and if you feel that a complete life change will make you happy, then you should heavily weigh out your options and go for it.

Again, I'm not going to pretend to act as if I know what you are going through, but just offering my two cents.  Good luck in whatever you decide to do. 

[hXd]

She's still at the point where she can care for herself and for me to an extent, but yeah I feel like I'm 26 going on 15. I feel bad for wanting to leave and live my own life, as she's practically raised me, but there comes a time when you need to remove yourself from what you know in order to grow as a person.

[blcklblskt]

I understand how you feel.  Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed with where my life is heading that I feel like taking a very long road trip and never coming back.  I often get the feeling that I'm wasting some of the best years of my life, and that I need to just get away for a while.

I think Singlebanana makes a great point in that you need to do what's best for yourself.

[Crabmaster2000]

I was in a situation like that after highschool (I was 19 or 20 at the time), minus the caretaker aspect. Drifting away from long time friends and relationships and working unsatisfying jobs with no promising prospects. I had the opportunity to move to a different town and start nearly from scratch (I moved in with an old co-worker/friend initially) and jumped on it. It was a little rocky at first, but at least it was always exciting.

I eventually found my niche (as a caretaker oddly enough ) and from that point other great things followed. Since that time I've become much more confident and aware of who I am in many different aspects of my life and as a result I think I'm significantly happier and a better person for it.

I'd suggest talking to your grandmother since it sounds like you have a solid relationship with her. You guys might be able to come up with options or compromises that you werent even aware of. Similar to what banana was talking about I think its very important you become strong and confident in yourself, and that will eventually spill over into more areas of yourself.

[Sirgin]

No, I haven't ever wanted to leave and "start over".

...

At the end of the day your grandmother probably loves you a lot and she'll want to see you happy. Talk to her and she'll understand.