RF Generation Message Board

what do eureka vacums and viagra have in common.......they give you the power of a upright in the palm of your hand.

:laugh: :laugh:

What does eating an old woman taste like?









Depends...

So this John Kerry walks into a bar and says, "Why the long face?"

So this guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer, but the bartender gives him water, instead.

Yup, it's stupid-funny, as far as I'm concerned.

Three monks walk into a bar, one ducks.

How does every racist joke start?






































With a look over the shoulder

 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Dude, I'm not racist.  I own a color TV.




Actually, I don't own a TV

A Jewish guy goes to a pornshop in Isreal,ask the clerk is he has blow up dolls.

The clerk answers yes we have them,which one would you like? The Jewish one that you have to blow up yourself or a Palestinian one who blows herself up!?

A preist and a rabbi were walking down the street and saw a young boy.  

The preist asked "You want to F@ck him?".  

Rabbi replied "F@ck him out of what?"

This is one for people who speak Dutch and English...

There's a meeting between the president of the US and the prime minister of the Netherlands.

US President:  So what do you do in your spare time?
Dutch Minister:  I fok horses.
US President:  Pardon?
Dutch Minister:  Yes! Paarden!!

Heheh that was a good one! :laugh:

How do you make paper dolls?
screw an old bag

How do you get a witch pregnant?
fuck her

Two perverts were sitting on a park bench reminiscing.  One says to the other, "I remember once having an 11 year old with the body of a 7 year old"

Why did the pervert cross the road?
his dick was stuck in the chicken

 Ãƒâ€šÃ‚   Ãƒâ€šÃ‚   /\
     ||
More gross then funny

What's the difference between a cow and a sheep?
To get to the other side.

What is the difference between a duck?
A slice of soup about this color.

Are you trippin balls?

Nope. Surreal humor is the absolute greatest type of humor known to man.

Yes it isn't.

That was humor? I was just confused. But that was the point right?

Meh, some people find humor in things like: A man walks into the doctor with an eleven-inch railroad spike protruding from his forehead. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asks, to which the man replies, "I have a railroad spike in my forehead."

Others don't. Its technical term is anti-humor, where the narrative is set up to be a real joke, but is finished with a serious ending. The humor comes from the fact that the reader didn't get what he or she expected.

Is the point of Surreal humor to confuse people?

The point of surreal humor is to derive humor from the awkward juxtaposition of words that have little or no relation to each other. It's based on randomness.

2 blonds and a Cham Zord walk into a forum.  The Cham Zord started telliing jokes and laughing histerically.  The 2 blondes look at each other and say  "we don't get it????"  The Cham Zord looks confused and tries to explain, but to no avail.  

This story has been based on actually events.  Cham Zord was was played by himself, and the 2 blondes were played by all other forum members :laugh:
~~NGD

:-[ :-/ :laugh:

I give kudos to that joke. 8)

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."

Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."

Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"

Boy - "$150"
Man - "Sold."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold"

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The boy says, "$500"The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that ... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going To take you to church and make you confess your greed." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."The priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in MY closet now."

butt secks

What the difference between a dumb blond and a toothbrush??
































You don't lend out ya toothbrush to your friends!

Heheh, there's a lot of dumb blonde jokes :)

When a blond and a brunette want to jump off the roof of a building to commit suicide, which one lands on the ground first?





























The brunette, because the blond needs to ask for directions.


....

Why does a blond have curtains on her monitor?










































So that she can open Windows.  

....

Why does a blond keep the door open when she goes to the bathroom?















































So that nobody can peek through the keyhole....

....

Why does a blond take a flashlight with her to bed?






































So that she can check whether the light is out ;)

What is the diffrence between a brunette and the trash?




The trash gets taken out once a week :ownedsign:
( I think these are more funny when spoken)

What's the difference between Goerge W Bush and a bucket of shit?



























The bucket.

David Letterman's Top 10 Reasons Why There Are No Blacks In Nascar
10.  Have to sit upright while driving.
9.  Pistol won't stay under front seat.
8.  Engine noise drowns out the rap music.
7.  Pit crew can't work on car while holding up pants at the same time.
6.  They keep trying to carjack Dale Jr..
5.  Police cars on track interfere with race.
4.  No passenger seat for the ho.
3.  No Cadillac's approved for competition.
2.  Can't wear helmet sideways.
And The Number 1 Reason Why Blacks Can't Be In Nascar
1.  When they crash their cars, they bail out and run.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Those are good.

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Wii.
Wii who?
Well I'm glad to see you too.

Yes, very, very stupid

A man is taking care of his elderly mother.  When he gets home from work one day he finds her on the ground, and she's not moving.  He calls 911.  She's taken to the hospital, and after a while a doctor comes out to the waiting room to talk to the man.

Doctor: "I have good news, and I have bad news."

Man: "OK... first, the bad news."

Doctor: "Well, your mother has suffered a massice stroke.  She's lost all of the control over her right side, so she will have a lot of trouble eating.  You'll have to hand-feed her three times a day for the rest of her life."

Man: "Oh my god..."

Doctor: "She also will not be able to move much, so you'll have to give her sponge baths."

Man: "Oh Jesus..."

Doctor: "One more thing.  She's lost all control of her bowels, so you'll have to change her and wipe her up."

Man: "Oh my... what's... what's the good news?"

Doctor: *laughs* "That I'm just screwing with you!  She's dead!"

 Ãƒâ€šÃ‚   Ãƒâ€šÃ‚  /\
   /   \    Blue Collar Comady Tour
I loved that one  :laugh:

I saw that show too. Well, I heard it  :-*

I love it too, but I was surprised when I heard it because I'd heard that one YEARS before those performances. lol

 :laugh:

Good one RY.

Thats just wrong but very funny.

A man sprints into a bar (but ducked, so no impact there) and shouts at the bartender "I need 8 shots of your best whiskey, right now!"  Startled, the bartender sets up the eight shotglasses and pours our the most expensive whiskey he has.  The man starts just pounding down the shots.  The bartender askes him "What's the emergency?"  The man answers, hesitating on his fourth shot, "You'd be downing this kind of alcohol too if you had what I've got."  He finished off the last shot, and the bartender asks "What do you have?"

The man says "A buck fifty."

 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

One more for now, in the thread of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, courtesy of Ron White.

"I have a cousin Ray who's a homophobic, and he told me once 'This world would be better if there weren't so many queers' and I told him 'Look, if you ever have a thought... just let it go.  We're all gay, it's just a matter of how gay you are.'  He said 'That's bullsh*t man, I ain't gay at aw-ll.'  I told him 'Yeah you are, and I can prove it.'

"He said 'Fine, prove it.'

"I told him 'Alright, d'you like porn?'  He said 'Of course I love porn, you know that.'  'D'you only watch the scenes with two women together?'  'Naw, I'll watch a man and a woman makin' love.'

"I asked him 'D'you like the guy to have a small, half-flaccid penis?'  And he said 'No, I like big, hard, throbbin' co-... I did not know that about myself!' "

 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Here's a corny one.  And this is how it's told, please don't get on me for "That could never happen!" or any of that.  It's a joke.  It's like anime; don't question it, just let it go.  |D

A couple is expecting a baby, and they get the ultrasound to check the gender of the child and all that good stuff.

Doctor: "It looks like you're going to have a... healthy... baby..."

Mother: "What's wrong?"

Doctor: "Well, it looks like you're going to give birth to... a head."

Father: "What?  Just a head?"

Doctor: "Yes, just a head.  But from how it looks here, that head is functioning normally, and it should be a healthy... head..."

The couple leaves, and a few months later their baby is born.  And it's a baby boy.  Head.  It's healthy, and everything is good.  They take him to school, he (kinda) plays with the other kids, and generally lives a happy childhood.

When he turns 21, the father decides to take his boy out for his first drink.  They go to the local pub and he puts his son onto the bar, and tells the bartender it's his birthday, and they'd like a drink.  He had never served a head before, but the bartender shrugs it off and gets the kid a shot.  And as soon as the shot is gulped, all of a sudden, a torso shoots out from under the head!

Father: "What the hell... son!  You're really growing up!"

They get him another drink, and the kid grows a left arm.  Another drink, a right arm.  Two more drinks and the kid's got legs, and since he's a VERY new drinker he's more than a little tanked.  Somehow, he drunkenly wallows out of the bar, and into the middle of the street where he's plowed by a passing big rig.

The moral of the story?  Sometimes you SHOULD quit while you're ahead.

A priest, a rabbi and a Buddhist all walk into Saudi Arabia with fourteen midgets following them...


...

I don't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore. |D

guy comes home from work and finds his dearly loved dog lying on he porch not moving.He puts it in the truck and races oFF TO the vets. When he arrives at the vets he tells the vet.  I have had this dog 25 years hes a member of the family see if theres anything you can do..the vet lays the dog on the table and starts to check him over just about then the office cat jumps onto the table walks around the dog several times then leaves..the vet then says man im sorry to tell you but your dogs dead...the guy says ok he was a good dog but i guess its was his time..he then thanked the vet and said how much do i owwe you


































the vet said 1000.00 dollars the guy takes a step back and says 1.000.00 dollars  the vet said yes 50.00 dollars for the office visit and 950.00 for the CAT SCAN

One time, I shot an elephant in my pajamas.

































But how he got into my pajamas I'll never know.  Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

Good ol' Groucho.

(http://www.mirocat.com/images/Marx_Groucho_A.jpg)

I have some of his stuff saved somewhere....Ah here it is.

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies."

"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."

"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

"Women should be obscene and not heard."

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."

"Either the man is dead, or my watch has stopped."

A fiftyish woman was at home, happily jumping up and down on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watched her for a while and then asked, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter with you?"

The woman continued to bounce on the bed and said, "I don't care. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old."

The husband said, "What did he say about your 55 year old ass?"

"Your name never came up," she replied.